Real Life Stories

Story 1:

One teen explained the effects of her sexual involvement in these words:

… Having premarital sex was the most horrifying experience of my life. It wasn't at all the emotionally satisfying experience the world deceived me into believing. I felt as if my insides were being exposed and my heart left unattended…I know God has forgiven me of this haunting sin, but I also know I can never have my virginity back. I dread the day that I have to tell the man I truly love and wish to marry that he is not the only one, though I wish he were…I have stained my life—a stain that will never come out.

Story 2:

Another girl described her experience this way:

After you've done it, you're really attached to that guy. It's as if he's your life; you feel really vulnerable. [When the relationship ended, I felt] really awful. I can't describe it. About a week after we had sex, we broke up because I found out he was dating other girls. It really hurt.

Story 3:

One woman wrote: I wish I could tell every young adult in America that you truly will reap what you sow. Cohabitation may seem wonderful initially (sin is so deceiving!), but eventually it creates more problems than you can imagine.

I lived with my boyfriend for two years before we got married. I knew I was breaking my parents' hearts, as well as my Heavenly Father's heart! My boyfriend was not a Christian, but I figured I could change him if we moved in together.

The "this-is-yours, that-is-mine" mentality that enabled us to "successfully" live together completely unraveled once we got married. We had become too separate and too selfish, making it nearly impossible to become "one flesh." The honeymoon was over before the wedding day ever arrived.

Story 4:

Alicia

At the beginning of this year, I had a friend named Rick. Rick and I would talk forever. We became so close that our feelings developed into more romance than just a friendship. We started dating, and one thing led to another. I often wondered how far was too far, but I had decided I could stop whenever I wanted to.

Whenever I was at Rick's house, we would always go to his bedroom to be alone. He had such a large family that his room was the only place we could talk. Innocently, we would sit on his bed. After we started dating, it was harder to just sit there with each other. Kissing came first, and we found it harder and harder to stop there. Even after we became involved in heavy petting, I still believed I could stop before we actually did it. After a few months of this, I found that I didn't want to stop. Then one night it happened—we had sex. It was worse than I could even imagine. I felt dirty and very separated from God. I hated myself for doing something I've grown up believing was so wrong. I had the guiltiest feeling I've ever had.

Rick walked me to my car and asked me what was wrong. I burst into tears. I told him that I hated it. I never wanted to do it again. Then Rick told me that he loved me, and the weirdest thing was that I couldn't tell him I loved him back. I had no feelings for him anymore. We sat in front of his house for a long time. We both cried. We knew what we did together was wrong.

I didn't see Rick for three weeks because he was out of town. During that time I prayed about it, not knowing what else to do. While we were separated, I realized what a real Christian relationship should be like, and I also realized that the relationship Rick and I had was the total opposite. I learned what was right and reassessed my morals. I asked God for forgiveness and started my life over. I still care for Rick, but I know if we are to have a relationship, it must be based on God.

Now I know that "too far" doesn't mean only intercourse, but also the stages leading up to it. Too far is when you crave the physical more than the spiritual. Too far is when sexual thoughts take over your relationship. Too far is when you don't want to stop. It can be different for different people; it can be holding hands, kissing, or hugging. With God's help, I can be pure from this day on.

Story 5:

Rob

I had been dating this girl for about five or six months. She was my first real girlfriend. After a few months, I started testing her and how far she would let me go. She kept letting me do whatever I wanted. Well, I believe we went too far. We never had sex, but it got to the point where all we would do on dates would be mug and touch each other. I knew it was wrong, so I started becoming very guilty about all that was taking place. We were best friends, and now we only talk every once in a while. It took a year before I asked God to forgive me for what I had done. During that year, I had many nightmares about what I had done to this girl and felt so guilty. I still have bad memories of the experience, and I know that the devil keeps bringing it u, but I also know God forgave me for what I did. I believe it was a learning experience I will never forget.

Story 6:

Jennifer

In September of this year, I had the biggest crush in the world on this gorgeous college guy. I was only 16, so I thought I had no chance with him. One day, though, one of his closest friends told me he was interested in me. I was ecstatic. Guys never noticed me before, and now I had a chance with an incredible college guy. I thought everything was perfect. When he finally asked me out, I was shaking so hard. I thought there was no way things could get better, and they didn't. Everyone warned me about him. I didn't hear one single good thing about him, yet I still liked him. My brother begged and threatened me about it, but I wouldn't stop. Our first date passed, and he didn't try to kiss me, so I thought there was no way he was using me. On our second date, we went to the movies. I was so nervous because I'd never kissed anyone before, and I thought he would try. He did, and I did kiss him, which led to light petting. After that, he wouldn't stop. I kept saying no, and he kept trying. I pushed him away, and he tried again. It scared me, but not enough to stop liking him. On our third date, everything went wrong. We were alone together, and first thing, he kissed me; then he took me over to the bed and turned out the lights. Things started getting pretty intimate, so I started pulling away. He wouldn't let me, though. I started saying, "No, no," over and over again, but it was like he didn't hear. He pinned me down and did different things to me. I just kept saying, "No." He started saying things in a mean tone like, "Don't be a baby," "Grow up," "Stop trying to be so good all the time." Things happened that night too terrible to describe.

Story 7:

Michael

I messed up big time my junior year of high school. I started having regular sex with my girlfriend. I was a Christian, therefore the momentary pleasure was there, but the relationship was a miserable one. I am still scared from the instances that took place. It took me until the summer before my freshman year at college (during camp) before I realized that God had already forgiven me, but I wasn't letting go. I found out that I have to totally let go of something to keep it from holding me down. I will never completely forget what happened during my junior year in high school. But I worship an awesome and forgiving God. I know I shall reap what I sow, and that is the most important thing to know. I can't tell you how ashamed I am, all because of a few months of pleasure. The biggest statement I would like to make is the fact that I would give anything to take it back and to have my virginity still to this day. Hang on to it; you will only know later how happy you'll be!

Story 8:

Robin

When I met Bobby, I trusted him to know how far we could go without making love. He was in the driver's seat. He was also insecure. He would tell me over and over how he loved me, how he was sure that I didn't love him as much as he loved me. It was then that I set out to prove it. I was his-110% his.

The first time we made love, I had no idea what was going on. Afterward, he didn't speak; he passed out. I was so alone. I've never hated myself more. But it was done, my virginity was gone. It didn't matter after that, sex became an everyday occurrence. My only fear was losing Bobby. He was the first, and even if he treated me bad (and there were those times), I was going to do anything I could to hang onto him.

Slowly we drifted apart. He wanted to go out with other girls. I loved him, and he fooled me into thinking he loved me too. The day I left for the summer, we made love—yeah, it was fun—but it was just actions. That same evening, he told me he was going to see other people.

I went through misery the next 10 days, being away and knowing I was carrying Bobby's child. I wasn't real sure, but I knew something was up. How was I going to explain this to Bobby? Then I began to scheme. I got excited and thought, "Sure, he'll want to get married." Finally I had him, and if not him, I had a part of him anyway. I wouldn't have an abortion—that was out of the question. I'd either marry Bobby or run off and have the child myself.

Funny how Bobby controlled my mind. I told him one night after we had made love down in his basement. I thought since he was so in love with me, that now was the time to break the news. He really lost it—he got all defensive and said that there was no possible way he could marry me and that he didn't even want to. I got scared and told him I was just kidding. He breathed a sigh of relief but remained cold.

It was not too long after that I told him the truth and had the pregnancy confirmed by a doctor. Bobby had stuck by his guns about not marrying me and said if I kept the child, we were through. At that point, I was helpless. I wanted more than anything to talk to my mom, but I could not hurt her with this kind of news.

Looking back now, I should have talked to her. Bobby stuck by me long enough to make sure I had the operation. He called me every day or wrote and made me feel like he still cared. I went in that day by myself to do the one thing I was most against [abortion]. I talked to Bobby that night, and then he took off. He stuck around long enough to make sure I got rid of the evidence, then left me on my own.

I can't explain the feelings I have inside me now. I've never thought less of myself or felt more like trash. How could I have been so naive? I loved him, but he never knew the meaning of the word. I still have nightmares, and at times I hate myself. Abortion is much, much deeper than scraping of that uterus lining. It involves the destruction of one's whole being, the loss of any self-respect, and, the saddest of all, a guild-ridden existence.

Story 9:

Catherine

Having Sex Was a Big Mistake!

Last year, I had a Christian boyfriend who meant the world to me. When we broke up, I was miserable. But what was worse than losing my boyfriend was the horrible realization that a big part of me went with him. We had been sexually active. I was left with shame, guilt and a broken heart.

I felt that because of my sin, nobody could ever love me again.

I still can't get through a day without thinking about the things we did and feeling horrible about them. Even though I know God has forgiven me, I'm still struggling to forgive myself. I won't forget the pain for a long time. The few minutes of pleasure were definitely not worth a lifetime of guilt.

I wish somehow I had been aware of the consequences of my actions before I let my hormones take over. Because sex is glamorized in our society, I ignored the teachings of the Bible. As a result, I caused grief to myself and God. I want to tell other teenagers it's just not worth it. Pregnancy and STDs aren't the only risks. I'm left longing for real love, but I fear I'll never find it. I'm writing in hope that others won't make the same mistake I did. I got a lot more than I bargained for.

Story 10:

It's been a year and four days since the dreadful day that I went against everything I believed in. I sinned against God, against myself and against my family. You see, I was brought up in a very strict Christian environment and I knew premarital sex was wrong which made what I did 1000 times worse because I sinned knowingly.

Losing my virginity has caused many problems in my life. For the longest time I cried myself to sleep, I felt dirty and ashamed of myself. A few days ago I finally mustered up enough courage to go and get tested for STD's. I'm still waiting one the results.

I know God has forgiven me, I'm sure he did the very first time I asked for forgiveness. But I'm having a very hard time forgiving myself. You see I was 21 at the time that I lost my virginity. And all the 21 years of my life I planned on waiting for marriage. But "worldly" feelings got the best of me, lust controlled me, and I lost all sight of what my morals, beliefs, standards were.

I cannot erase my past, I cannot go back in time and redo it. The only thing left to do is to learn from my mistake, and start over again. It just kills me that what I used to say was going to be my wedding gift for my husband on the night of our wedding, is no longer possible.

Please people think long and hard before you do something that will have an affect on the rest of your life. This is not something that you get over easily.

Have the strength to listen to God, listen to your heart and say "NO."

Name Withheld
September 3, 2001

Story 11:

If I had sex with another girl, there are two things I know would happen. I would never be able to forget her, and because of that, I would compare her with my wife in the future. This would make it harder not only in my sexual relationship with my wife, but I also wouldn't be able to accept her for who she really is. But if there are no past memories on which to base a comparison, then acceptance of my wife is so much easier.

Story 12:

In the book Choices, it says, "Sex causes you to compare one person with another." If you have premarital sex, you could find yourself comparing your spouse to the person you had sex with before. Regardless of whether you say your spouse is better or worse than the previous person, you are still concentrating on that person and not on your spouse.

Story 13:

II lost my virginity when I was 15. We stopped seeing each other a week later, and I spent the following four months in a tailspin of guilt and depression. I finally broke down one night and told my mother what I had done. She and I both cried together, and then she told my father who threatened to kill the guy who had done this ­ he actually got out his gun as he ranted and raved.

After he calmed down I got the “no sex before marriage” talk - only it was too late. I had never felt so dirty, ashamed, and ultimately heartbroken. Telling my parents relieved some of my guilt, but I was still experiencing a roller coaster of emotions and felt that the only way I could boost my self-esteem was to find another guy. Which I did—again and again.

I proceeded to have a series of unsuccessful sexual relationships over the next three years which kept me locked into a vicious cycle—I would go from emptiness and self-loathing to instant gratification and euphoria, and then back to self-loathing. Even when I stayed with one guy for almost a year, the end result was still the same—we were ripped apart against the strong bond we had made through our sexual union, and it was devastating for both of us. The emotional turmoil I have experienced from all that has been tremendous and long lasting.

Fortunately, I committed my life to Christ when I was 18, and in the past two years, God has healed my heart and spirit. It took a long time for me to believe that any godly man could ever want me after what I'd done; it was excruciating to learn how to forgive myself and truly believe that I was holy once again. Now I do know that God has restored my purity, my virginity, and I will keep it safe until my wedding night—but I will never be able to change the past. It is a story that will have to be told over and over, to my future husband, children, and others. I pray this will be a blessing in some way to all who read it.

20-year-old college student from Alabama

Story 14:

My name is Tonya, I have a story I would like to share for everyone. I am 22 years old and when I was 16 I first started having sex with a guy who was 20. We had been dating and getting to know each other ever since I was 15. Well, things were going good for a while and then a little after my 17th birthday I found out I was pregnant. I thought, how could this happen, things like this is not suppose to happen to girls like me. I was 3 months from graduation and 6 months from attending my dream college with 2 year scholarship and the other 2 would be left up to me and my parents. I was so afraid and my ex and I decided we would keep the baby and get married. Well, the marriage never happen he said he was not ready. My daughter was born 6 months after I graduated from high school. It has been really hard taking care of her. I started college full-time in my town so I could be close to family. It is now 4 years later and I am still in college full-time and will graduate in May 2003 with my bachelor's degree.

It has been EXTREMELY difficult for me because I cannot do many of the things my friends do. I cannot easily say hey, I am going to Florida or Cancun for spring break. I cannot easily say, sure I will come to the party Friday night. It is hard trying to find someone to date around my age because many guys don't want to date anyone who has children and hey, who blames them for not wanting to deal with the excessive baggage.

I truly wished I did not give in to peer pressure. I truly wished I would have waited like I was told. I did not think an honor roll student like myself ending up pregnant. I thought Hey, this is not going to happen to me. After, all we were careful and I was on birth control but news flash people can and do end up pregnant even with birth control, you won't believe the numbers it is like 1 out of every 100 women.

I truly believe that it is not too late to stop having sex and become born again. After I had my daughter and her father left us I decided that I would wait until I am married before I have sex again. It has been four years since I said that and I can honestly tell you that I have not had sex. It is not too late to change if you truly want to change. For 1 Corinthians 6:18 says, "Flee from Sexual immorality."

If you think you it can't happen to you, you are wrong. It could very easily happen to you and will change your life forever.

Also, something else to think about STD's like AIDS is very real. I was lucky that I did not catch anything but it could have happen. It can happen to you to unless you wait until you are married.

Tonya D.

Story 15:

I'm Glad I Waited

Q When I graduated from high school, one of my relatives gave me a subscription to Campus Life. Your column and one particular story have had a profound effect upon my life. The story was about a young man and a locket. Every time he got into a serious relationship, he gave the girl a beautiful new locket. On his wedding night he gave his bride a locket, but by that time he had given away so many, the locket didn't seem very special anymore. You opened my eyes to the importance of virginity. As I've become an adult, I've seen the unhappiness that premarital sex has caused in a number of my friends.

After a couple of dates with a guy, I would tell him the "locket story," and inform him that I was a virgin and planned to be one until I married. Of course, there were some guys I never heard from again, but that didn't always happen. I discovered there are guys who value virginity. I have dated two guys who were virgins themselves. One is now a very dear friend. He introduced me to my fiance Jeff.

When Jeff and I get married, we will both be virgins. This has been so important because during the years we've dated, we've developed a strong relationship built on a deep friendship. From what I have seen, sex can sometimes get in the way and cause people to stay together who perhaps should be apart. I have no doubt about Jeff and me, because sex is not "fogging" our minds.

Thank you for the influence you had on me. May God bless you.

A God bless you, too, in your marriage. And thank you for writing. I must say I admire your courage, telling the "locket story" to the guys you went out with. It takes guts to stand up for your beliefs. Aren't you incredibly glad you did? Imagine what you might have missed if you had played down your convictions.